Getting over Trauma

I feel like the world is very disensitized to tramatic situations. Its like we don't mourn anymore. My cousin died in January but now it feels like everyobe is over it. Not like she never existed, but we have to move on and we can't dwell. And since I left U of I I have ignored the fact that I'm mourning inside. And the fact that I'm ignoring the pain inside is causing me to become cold and non feeling on the outside. Not like I'm hurting other people but I'm building a guard so I won't have to hut anymore. It's wierd because I feel like I need to get over it but its obvious to everyone else that I'm unhappy. I know that I need to be joyful in my sufferings because that sthe only way I'm going to get through it, but sometimes I feel like I'm trying to be happy byt I just can't. I feel like I need to make new friends but its like I'm not myself anymore and I lost my power of making new friends, not to mention I'm not sure if I want them. I guess the first step is being open so I'll try that.

God's love changes us

I missed the majority of the message in church on sunday but in small group we discussed it and it boiled down to one sentence" God's love changes us". This statement is soo true. After we realized we are loved beyond mesure we don't seek approval from man anymore. Or at least, that's the goal...Today I was talking with my bffl about being teased in the 7th grade and how that affected my confidence as I got older. And how it affects my confidence now when I see the people who teased me. She urged me to use this opportunity as one to bring glory to God. Which is easier said than done, but because I know God loves me no matter what and I don't need approval from man, its A LOT easier to show these people love.But when I think about how I was afraid to go to school in fear of being teased I think about how God has changed me and how he was protecting me during those times. Even when I didn't know he was around. It's crazy becasue you hear about so many teens committing suicide and need I mention Colombine...due to teasing. I hope when I have children I can protect them from this type of teasing.

In Christ,
Friend of God

First Day

Today was my first day of classes and it was really cool..except for the fact that I didn't get to eat until 5:30. No one around the school took credit and I haven't been carrying cash around. I like my professors and it looks like I will enjoy the material in my classes. I was uncomfortable most of the day though. I guess its because I still feel like I belong at U of I. As soon as I make some friends at the new school, I should feel more comfortable. But even getting to that point is really hard. I don't want to feel like I'm replacing my friends and honestly I don't think anyone can take their places.

In Christ,
Friend of God