I can see now

I was at a family function today and it was great to see family and get some good panamanian food! It reminded me that I have to learn to cook arroz con pollo.lol. But I started to talk to family members I hadn't spoken to in a while and they were really encouraging! Two of my cousins even gave me some money for copyrighting our logo. I couldn't believe it, but I guess that's just God's love. I also saw some things in my family members I didn't see before. I saw pain and envy in people I guess I didn't pay attention to before. But that just gave me hope, and more stuff to pray for.lol. I was starting to run out. It's funny because you don't realize how much your family has your back even when you don't spend too much time around them. What sucks is when family are the one's discouraging you. But the wacky thing is they are usually trying (in they're mind) to motivate you to do better. But its crazy because I'm listening more and starting to see people for who they are. Sometimes its hard because we may have been thinking that a person is honest and positive, and they are really selfish and envious. The fantasy is better than the reality. But the truth hurts. And one of my cousins is going to be a huge baller in the film industry one day which was cool to find out. I'm sure he has so much talent, he just needs to take a leap of faith. :) But yeah, I love family functions.

In Christ,
Friend of God

No Grace?

It's so confusing to me that some people don't judge other people with the same metrics they use to judge themselves. You know what I mean...when you make a mistake its" what's wrong with you? shouldn't you have known that was going to happen?", but when they make a mistake it's "I'm a normal person just like everyone else, I'm not perfect".We'll you act like it. What's up with that? They don't even speak softly, but don't talk to them with an attitude...ohh no. All hell will break loose. I just wonder why they think speaking harshly will make someone listen to them. It's exactly the opposite. People flee from negativity. Why don't they understand you have to give people grace? I guess it all goes back to God. If God isn't the love of their lives they probably won't want to please Him. So there's no incentive to follow his commands.

Stuff like this makes me want to stay far away from Christians who aren't purely living for God and unbelievers all-together....no matter who they are. Or drastically limit my contact with them. I'm not being judgemental or anything...they're just different people and a lot less loving. I guess thats even more reason to be around them. So they can see what God's love feels like. :)

In Christ,
Friend of God

Catching Up

So I haven't been writng an new posts because my life has been really sucky and for some reason I don't want to write about the bad things...only the good. I have been batteling depression and family drama has had me considering suicide heavily. And that's totally not me. But the drama has made me feel lonely and hopeless. When I am myself I am happy and laughing all the time. And I make friends everywhere! That's not the case anymore. But there are some good things that came out of that pain. I just started speaking to my cousin Lisa. She a baller and one of the few people in my family that speak my language. The Jesus language...not everyone can understand you you, when you're a Christ follower. That's good because we're meant to stand out but its a little frustrating sometimes. I learned alot about myself during this time also. I didn't know I was angry and I still held resentment for some people in my life. Now that I recognize it, I can let it go and ask God to show me how to love that person like He would. I also know how to deal with pain better. If somethiong is extremly painful and I can't handle it I usually just crumble. But through this trial I have learned to fight the darkness with light and God's Word.

Aso for school, its like the beginning again. Since we have had exams and I know the expectations of my professors I have to rearrage my study habits to fit their teaching styles. But my spanish class is really tough, he doesn't speak spanish in the classrrom much and on his exams the prompts are all in spanish, which is wierd. Wouldn't you speak in spanish in class if you want us to read the directions in spanish? I don't know....I would understand him alot more if he spoke spanish because his english isn't the best.

I'm really excited about applying to transfer schools in september! I miss campus life soo much! It will be bitter sweet because I'm not going back to Illinois though. But I'll be independent again and out of this year of trial. Maybe I'll reap some things there...I've been sowing alot.

So far, I think I've been a great example of Christ for BOTH my younger sisters. My 6 year old is asking lots of questions and is building a great relationship with God. I'm so happy because if she builds this great relationship with Him at 6, I can't imagine what she'll be doing for Him at 16! It's so encouraging because God used me! It's really statisfying to see that she loves God and wants to please Him. As for my 16 year old she's decided to come to church with me every sunday and she gave offering on her own! That's a huge deal because she believes there are differnt levels of Christianity and that lie is being broken down. She's realizing we're all normal people that just love God. Plain and simple...no big words or special procedures neccessary.

In Christ,
Friend of God